i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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