he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
