i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
