I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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