SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
