I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
