upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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