I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
