she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
