My nipple is on Facebook.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
