Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
