so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
