Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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