I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
