i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
