I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
