is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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