I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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