I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
