idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
