My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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