I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize