I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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