I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
