Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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