youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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