New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
