In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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