Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
