I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize