I will die if light touches me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
