My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
