Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
