Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
