I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
