mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
