He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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