his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
