He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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