What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
