When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
50% drunk capacity currently
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
