I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
