Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
