I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
