You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
