Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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