Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
