the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
