So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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