you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
