if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
