I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
