All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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