If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
