I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you traded sex for a burrito?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
