i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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