I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
