Kiss
Puke
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
