"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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