Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
