I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
