I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
