So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
