I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
