hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
