Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
