So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Congratulations! We have a period
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
