It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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