i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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