I heard we made out
from now on my penis is your penis
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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