I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
