your parents love me but you hate me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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