none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
