i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
