you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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