I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize