when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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