he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
