The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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