So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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