Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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