Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
