Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Houston, we have a blender
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
