she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
