shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
