Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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