You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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