I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize