thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
