Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
