i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
