So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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