you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
