Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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