But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
