Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
