You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
