you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
