Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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