ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
