this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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