it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
