Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
