i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
